第181章 CHAPTER 53(4)

`It would not be a separation: we will write every day; my spirit shall be always with you; and sometimes you shall see me with your bodily eye. I will not be such a hypocrite as to pretend that I desire to wait so long myself, but as my marriage is to please myself alone, I ought to consult my friends about the time of it.'

`Your friends will disapprove.'

`They will not greatly disapprove, dear Gilbert,' said she, earnestly kissing my hand--`they cannot, when they know you--or if they could, they would not be true friends; I should not care for their estrangement.--Now are you satisfied?' She looked up in my face with a smile of ineffable tenderness.

`Can I be otherwise, with your love? And you do love me, Helen?' said I, not doubting the fact, but wishing to hear it confirmed by her own acknowledgment.

`If you loved as I do,' she earnestly replied, `you would not have so nearly lost me--these scruples of false delicacy and pride would never thus have troubled you--you would have seen that the greatest worldly distinctions and discrepancies of rank, birth, and fortune are as dust in the balance compared with the unity of accordant thoughts and feelings, and truly loving, sympathizing hearts and souls.'

`But this is too much happiness,' said I, embracing her again;

`I have not deserved it Helen--I dare not believe in such felicity: and the longer I have to wait, the greater will be my dread that something will intervene to snatch you from me--and think, a thousand things may happen in a year!--I shall be in one long fever of restless terror and impatience all the time. And besides, winter is such a dreary season.'

`I thought so too,' replied she gravely: `I would not be married in winter--in December, at least,' she added with a shudder--for in that month had occurred both the ill-starred marriage that had bound her to her former husband and the terrible death that released her--`and therefore, I said another year in spring.'

`Next spring.'

`No, no--next autumn, perhaps.'

`Summer, then.'

`Well, the close of summer. There now! be satisfied.'

While she was speaking, Arthur re-entered the room--good boy for keeping out so long.

`Mamma, I couldn't find the book in either of the places you told me to look for it' (there was a conscious something in mamma's smile that seemed to say, `No, dear, I knew you could not'), `but Rachel got it for me at last. Look, Mr. Markham, a natural history with all kinds of birds and beasts in it, and the reading as nice as the pictures!'

In great good humour, I sat down to examine the book and drew the little fellow between my knees. Had he come a minute before, I should have received him less graciously, but now I affectionately stroked his curling locks, and even kissed his ivory forehead: he was my own Helen's son, and therefore mine; and as such I have ever since regarded him. That pretty child is now a fine young man: he has realized his mother's brightest expectations, and is at present residing in Grassdale Manor with his young wife, the merry little Helen Hattersley, of yore.

I had not looked through half the book, before Mrs. Maxwell appeared to invite me into the other room to lunch. That lady's cool, distant manners rather chilled me at first; but I did my best to propitiate her, and not entirely without success I think, even in that first short visit; for when I talked cheerfully to her, she gradually became more kind and cordial, and when I departed she bade me a gracious adieu, hoping erelong to have the pleasure of seeing me again.

`But you must not go till you have seen the conservatory, my aunt's winter garden,' said Helen, as I advanced to take leave of her, with as much philosophy and self-command as I could summon to my aid.